What Reality TV Can Teach us about Surviving our World

                                                 

"I AM A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE ! is about to start on Oz TV. I know because the overflow of hype is even getting to me. 

Its about B lister wannabes  dropped into the African jungle to mingle in an environment of things that creep, crawl, sting and bite.

Even Betfair is running a book. Who will re-enter the known world with bragging rights to King or Queen of the jungle? Also giving odds who will be the first to pull the pin? I would  bet on me the first to go AWOL. Why because I am a card caring member of the cowards' club that freaks when a leech attaches itself whilst I was swimming in waterholes in Jabiru, NT.

But maybe even here in this latest television reality show there are secrets to learn for our success.

You see I am a great believer that in the most negative circumstances comes a point of positive learning that we can benefit from. So be it, even if it is  contrived reality TV.

Without knowing all the rules and conditions of the show, the last man or woman standing, will be the result of a series of challenges based on human nature which go back to our origin and survival. We could learn from this to make our own life more successful.

The eclectic celebrity group pitched against the wilds of the jungle will require the collaboration of others to get them through the  hostile environment. Individuals who didn't know each other weeks ago will be forced to team, communicate and empower each other. Certainly in the early stages to survive the conditions ( and the rules). As light and entertaining as this contrived adventure 'soapie' will be, it is a metaphor why we are the dominant species on our planet.

Hebrew University of Jerusalem,  Professor, Dr Yuval Noah Harari (author of 'A Brief History Of Humankind')  on respected Radio National 'Big Ideas' recently  spoke in his keynote address why Homo Sapiens (i.e. us) are the lone surviving species ( there were 6 originally and we are the remaining one), what led to the demise of our 'competition' and what was the one characteristic that got us top of the heap in the animal kingdom. 

He believes it was the unique ability to collaborate,  to cooperate flexibly in both small and large numbers, form into clans, tribes and later nations.

No other animal species can do that (although many form herds and groups ) but not in major numbers . This has led us , till now at least, to prosper and take on enemies and competitor species. (BTW - it looks like our prehistoric antecedents had blood on our hands and guilt with the fate of the other 5 species including Neanderthals.)

FAST FORWARD TO TODAY. Each of us form teams with people we know intimately and able with those we have just met ( the escape of a pair caught in the Sydney siege were not to each other hours before) to achieve mutual goals.  Parents form a bond to educate and raise their children,  sporting clubs to win premierships,  and organizations to meet charitable causes , and armies to defend and see off invaders.

We are social creatures, that would not survive today if it wasn't the interdependence with others. Adam Smith's specialization of labor saw to this.

While we depend on Coles or Woolies to feed us, I shudder to think how our life would change and  what would happen if we reverted to the store open hours of the 60s and 70s. IMAGINE  not being able to buy liquor after 6pm and closed on Sundays.

This may be all apparent with essentials on Maslow's Hierarchy, but I am not sure we appreciate  how we could take it to the next level and maximise this effect.

Lets face it. Life is tough. Not many of us get to the top of the ladder. Its as if we haven't been given the code to get past struggle street. This can be demonstrated by the few 'haves' and the many 'have nots". Also supported by stats which has 80% of the community on some form of welfare.  What I propose is that each of us to survive and prosper in this dynamic and complex world should appoint  and form our own specialist team (high performance coaches if you would) but in all areas of our and our families life and development. To look after and ensure our health, wealth and prosperity. You might think what I propose in fact takes place. I agree but more on an adhoc basis and not too the level and high standard we should aim for. A collaboration of a highly skilled group there for us.

Even Colliers International, commercial real estate giant has stopped 'hot desks' in preference to chairs and desks that can  be configured into collaborative groups at will.

This  team of high standard specialists that known to us and appointed by us  are fully briefed committed to  our aspirations. For example Team Millar would comprise:

• GP Medical doctor                                               
• Solicitor
• Parenting  Expert    
• Career councilor
• Mentor
• Psychologist
• Happiness expert
• Dietician
• Health and Wellbeing coach
• Financial & Investment advisor

Today we find ourselves too busy to attend a doctor regularly, we go to a local lawyer at the corner, we rarely seek out parenting advice preferring to learn on the job, badly fitted to jobs we are poorly trained for and usually hate, suffering mental illness ranging from mild bouts in depression to bi polar.

The most richest and successful, from Bill Gates to Google's Eric Schmidt, say that everyone should have a mentor and coach. As for health, happiness and diet very few give a second thought yet many say they are unhappy betting big time on winning the lottery to solving this.

History tells us, we are served on a needs basis in each of these areas often by people who have dubious communication skills and usually at best mediocre . The excuse is time , money or that we see each as a commodity that can be purchased at a moments notice. Absolutely correct. If we are willing to gamble with such life affecting areas and accept whatever the outcome from people who are chosen because they are geographically handy.

Alternatively each appointed to our DREAM team ( such for the example, Team Millar) would be scrutinised closely and  highly detailed on the family and each's aspirations. Client service, professional knowledge and ability to communicate in non professionalese would be expected premium standard. They would be pro active in meeting our needs and as concerned and committed about us achieving our goals as we are.

Their service would  include at least annual reviews, webinars for people to catch up from the comfort of their homes, and educational seminars. (Seminars and virtual meetings will become common as the high speed NBN  is rolled out).  Importantly these would not be an excuse to 'flog' a product of the moment which many today financial advisers are guilty, but to add to their clients' knowledge about their personal success and well being.

The Dream team of your own key band of people who would simply know where WE stand,  where WE are heading and provide a pro active means of how WE might  get there.

Will the appointment to our first 11, become common. Sadly no. People preferring,  by default of the rushed society we live today, taking the transactional approach to life.

Is it a new idea? No! But it is done to a limited extent by some of  the most successful in our community. Should it be done by more. YES. and whats more a happiness and well being , let alone financially, a 'business case could be made which shows how much better we would be off.

Maybe its worth a try, just  to over come the challenges of Today's world. Not the least being mediocre professional service.

4 Things to do to CRANK UP the year!

Start of the Year

Resolutions we don’t stick to, and within a short time, its business as usual.
The Cause: Because we are unreasonable with what we want and the habits we are able to change.
The Answer: Make the changes EASY, REALISTIC, EMOTIVE and can be quickly RECALLED and REMEMBERED.

Here are my suggestions you might try. Importantly they will have an immediate impact on your year

They are:

• Don’t set monthly goals, set QUARTERLY  goals instead- factors out the seasonality

• Throw EVERYTHING at the year early to get momentum.

• Pick only ONE most major thing for the quarter that must be done.- Focus on the biggest obstacle, greatest challenge, or relationship needed to be developed or fixed

• Build your business on referrals and become referable.To do that Arrive on time, Do what you said  you would do, AND Say PLEASE and THANK YOU.

Hard. I wouldn’t have thought so!

Go on. Go on try it. I dare you!

Remarkable People leave their mark on Us.

IN LIFE WE HAVE  exposure to remarkable people. These people have an influence and help form the person we are today.

For me several come to mind and from each I received priceless advice which still has currency today.

"You know being married for life is a long, long time." That was said by my maternal grandmother who I loved unconditionally and who is the only person I have uncontrollably cried for when I was told of her death.

When she said that I was in early teens and didn't quite appreciate what she meant. 40 years married I now more than ever appreciate what she was conveying. What she was alluding was in marriage you must continue to work at and never become complacent. Once I realised my wife was not the enemy, but my best friend and ally the longevity was never going to be an issue- well not for me. I now believe and understand the importance of a good partner in your success.

 Early in my 20s I was taught that the Question punctuation is more powerful than the Exclamation mark. I had a boss, the owner of a travel tour packaging company, and as a sales representative for Venture holidays I would meet with him at the end of the week in his office for a verbal summary. Mr Cook would never lecture or give instruction but calmly, and methodically ask and lead me to points he wanted me to understand and adopt with well structured and probing questions. Once I realised the power of such an approach I adopted as my own approach with associates, prospects and direct reports. Interestingly Tom Hopkins uses the same approach with a  pack of cards to demonstrate how he can get a predetermined answer through strategic questioning.

My mentor and good friend Tony Bongiorno helped my epiphany of the importance knowing the continuum of the sales process. Once this mystery was revealed I realised why I was missing opportunities, and just how important that it formed the basis of my success. And an important aspect with  those I coach no matter what their role or industry. I also realised over time, how many don't know or apply this key business development skill. Telling is certainly not Selling.

A man I never met, but read an attributed quote which also forms my approach to life,  first in business but one I also applied to my friends and family. He was the founder of Mattel, the toy company better known for Barbie and GI Joe who said "Never offer a Solution before you get the person VERBALISE the problem" After reading and understanding what he meant I never again went into a meeting without doing this and reaping the benefits of this approach. Priceless. Thanks Mr Mattel.

My learnings have not just from old wise heads but sometimes from the people I have mentored. Young Matt Bugg a toy industry up and coming executive shared with me the quote he liked: "When things aren't adding up begin subtracting" You need to be open to ideas and sometimes switch roles where the teacher becomes the student. Thanks Matt .

Whilst you might read and hear quotes and ideas a million times they often just bounce off, or we may be not ready for this new information. In effect we don't really internalise this new knowledge and adopt the action. Let alone convert to habit. But if you are committed to the idea of being better than who you are and pursue a life of mindfulness and learning it can  hit you like a bolt of lightning from the blue.

One of the ways I remind myself of this state of awareness is to every day review the past 24 hours and write a list of bullet points of Wins, Learning, Success and Progress. My aim is to have a 30 point list at the end of each day. These points could be small or big, My aim is for incremental improvement but also I realise that when I do have major break throughs to recognise such occasions and I give myself bonus points. If I am having a purple patch and get my 30 points, I immediately close 'shop' and give myself the reward of finishing my work early and indulge in a passion of the time.

One final key learnings which means more to me today than in my early years . Its importance grows with passing years. I read it in the  forward of autobiography of my good mate and lifelong friend Ian (Molly) Meldrum, music journalist and TV compare whose life came crashing down and dramatically changed when he fell from his roof as he made ready his house for a Christmas party 2 years ago. He said: LIFE IS SHORT!

For me it underscored the importance of what is important and I know it's not money! But health, family and friends. To take more risks, laugh more, and every opportunity to tell people I love them.

I would be interested to hear what your primary principles and ways you lead your life.


Keith Millar
Millar Inc
"Making GOOD people GREAT

How my own war of the roses could threaten to make me smarter!

MY WIFE IS A  minimalist and I am a spreader and I am loosing the battle.

Let me explain.

My wife hates clutter A place for everything and everything in its place. You know the deal. Me? I start in one location and overtime spread.

In a bid for co-existence and harmony I really work hard to comply. But I am now down to one last piece of real estate in my home. My treasured book shelf in my study, which also is our shared office. "When are you going to get rid of that crap?" She regularly asks? Well I have told her I am going to bequest these hundred of books to my children and grand children. She laughs and responds  "what did they ever do to you to deserve that" Not funny! I think.

So to keep my spirit up and galvanise my determination to hold my ground I came with a goal. I have always looked to find the seed of equivalent benefit from a challenging situation. So my goal was to read every book in my bookshelves. Some 500 books and still counting.

I had been a lazy student in my youth. Preferring to play sport and participate in the social side of school. As I got older that changed and I became the eternal student continually looking to improve myself. It has become an obsession and reading books has been a growing passion. So my library is made up of personal development and biographies of the famous and the successful.

Ironically it was one of my heroes and great mentors, leadership guru Paul J Meyer said we should read less books. I was aghast when I heard this as it was totally at odds with my pursuit for greater knowledge. Until I realised what he in fact was saying. That we shouldn't rush from one book to the next without first understanding and  applying  the learnings before moving on to the next wiz bang concept. Everyone seemed to be looking for the quick fix.

Paul was a great advocate of repetition and developing habits to shape character.

So in concert with Paul pleas for us to understand and apply the learning from the reading
I intend to:

* read each book twice
* mark up each book for references so that I might review latter
* build relevant parts into my coaching curriculum
* create a PP and submit to Slide share
* do a workshop on the book to my peers, and finally write a blog post and share on my    LinkedIn profile.

Always up to a challenge I wonder if I have bitten off more that I can read.

In the meantime I would be interested as to how you seek out new knowledge, retain and apply this to your work and life.

What is your Coaching Philosophy?

HOLIDAYS  BRING an opportunity to take a break and importantly reflect.

During the year I read in the sports media, when a new coach is appointed it referred to thier coaching philosophy, and to the young candidates that failed to get the nod  they were encouraged to take the rebuff as an opportunity to get clarity for their own coaching philosophy .

This got me thinking as what my own executive coaching philosophy is?

With contemplation I formulated  into 10 foundation keys which form the basis of my own coaching philosophy:

( I have divided into two halves for ease of reading.)

1/ Radiant thinking

In Coaching we must start somewhere. I practice radiant thinking, starting  with yourself, the Coach. First, I ask could I add value to this person, could I work with this person,

do I have empathy, what is my first impression, will this person be low or high maintenance and finally can we have some fun on the journey? These are questions I may have skipped over in my younger years, but now realised life is to short to work with people who may not meet this  criteria. Don’t get me wrong, I believe it is not about me its about them, but the relationship must be built on a foundation of respect and trust,  win/win outcomes.

2/ Never offer a solution until you first have the listener  speak the problem

We being coaches are so eager to solve problems and offer advice, even when it hasn’t been asked for or verbalised. We don’t stop to ask if this is their problem, we are impatient and eager to set things right.

The listener nods his or her head …but doesn’t hear a thing!  So save your time and the frustration  when we realise the advice we suggested has not been taken.

The President of Mattel Toys (makers of Barbie and GI Joe) said: “Don’t offer a solution until the prospect verbalises the problem.

Excellent advice and true. But how you ask? That is the skill and discipline of a trusted adviser. Disciplined to refrain from offering the answer. And skill to ask the questions which will get the person to identify and voice the problem. If we say it they half believe it, if they say it they 100% believe.

3/ Save the Plasma for the Living

Not everyone will welcome your advice or take it. Some people are beyond help or have a greater desire to be the eternal victim. Or maybe its just a timing thing.

Salve your ego, and move on. Save your time and hurt and transfer your attention to those who want to be better than what  they presently, respect you and will actually put to action what you have recommended

4/ Three strikes you’re out.

You are most likely like me, in that you tend to see the world through rose colored glasses and give people continuous chances in their dealing with you. It might come with age but at some stage you say "what’s happening here?”. I now give people 3 chances for major misdemeanours. On the 3rd strike I adjust my relationship and in many cases move on- whether they be associates or  clients. This may be a little harsh and I am sure it is totally not their fault, but for whatever reason I settle for  less hassle and stress in my life.

5/ Its okay to fail

I once believed that failure was not an option and when it did I saw it as a total failure of me. In one business venture, I vowed I would succeed or  die trying. The latter I nearly realised. I learned before it was too late that sometime you must walk away if it is not working- for what ever reason. Failure should always be considered a valid option. It is foolishly and delusion to think otherwise. If you can walk away after giving it your best shot. Similarly you should sometimes tell the bad news to a client you are coaching if it’s not working for them. Time to shut shop and try something else. They will likely at some point thank you.

6/ The Question mark is more powerful than the Explanation point.

If we are going to bring about meaningful, sustainable change we must disturb the pattern of our client’s  thinking . This can only be done through questions which on one hand shows respect and on the other hand asks for  a review of their attitudes and current stand. We habitually make statements (which of course is figuratively followed by and exclamation mark) and is challenging the other party position. The  most likely response is for them to dig in and defend their position.

So it is with questions we are going to get the others  to embrace change. Try it!

What is your coaching philosophy?